I was chubby in highschool- and like a lot of teenage girls, I was craving acceptance from my peers. I thought the only way to do that was to look and act a certain way.
For my grade eight graduation, I asked my mom if I could get a hair cut. (This, I decided, would be the start of my journey to beauty.) I had a vision in my mind about what it would look like to have a cute short little bob. Ever had a vision in your mind of what something would look like only to have it turn out absolutely nothing like what you had envisioned?
Yep, that happened. My wishful gorgeous transformation left me looking like a boy. Nothing cute or pretty about that hair cut let me tell you…. my hair never has been quick to grow and so summer passed by and in enters Tara to high school with a short boyish hairdo and a chubby figure. Did I mention I was also on medication that caused terrible acne, weight gain, fluid retention and mood swings? I was an emotional HOTTTT MESSSSS!
I struggled well past my high school years with body image issues. I ended up losing a ton of weight, mostly due to stress and not due to making healthy choices. My meals consisted of chips, chocolate bars, and frozen dinners. I might have been ‘skinny’ but my emotional state wasn’t good.
Fast forward….then came child #1, then 2, then 3, then 4 then 5…. I had gained my weight back…AND had to increase on the dreadful mediation with each pregnancy…you know, the one that gave me acne and weight gain and mood swings?…yeah…that one. I was still an emotional HOT MESSSS and now struggling even as an adult with how I looked.
By the time babe # 5 came around, I just wanted to feel good in my own pants- not maternity pants hahahaaaaa… and so it began…the fitness journey. I was consumed with weight loss and obsessed with what the numbers on the scale was telling me and if I went up a pound, I was ANGRY. No other way to put it. And so I would starve myself for a day or 2 to get that magic number again, only to play on that yo yo train non stop.
Let’s fast forward to today…. It has taken me a while to get this revelation…but I now understand that feeling good about yourself doesn’t start with HOW you look, or how much you workout…it starts with your MINDSET. Nothing will ever shift if you don’t shift your thinking.
I spent most of my teenage life and adult life up to this point, wanting to look a certain way because that’s what society expects. Who says we need to be or look a certain way anyway? Who gets to make that call??
I’m now developing muscles (something I’ve never had!)-(I’m rarely weighing myself and it’s liberating by the way)
I hear people say a lot of times that women with too much muscle is not their ‘cup of tea’…well. I don’t wanna be anyone’s cup of tea. I want to be ME. I’ve got muscle and I’ve got fat and I’ve got stretch marks and rolls and I finally love the me that I am. I love pushing to see what my body is capable of.
Everyone is always going to have an opinion. But just incase you didn’t know- their opinions don’t really matter. What matters is that you run after the best version of yourself and love yourself along the way to where you’re going.
You are amazing and beautiful and capable. That is the truth xo