Where the F am I going?

I’m not gonna lie. Those of you who follow me on social media know that I’m either rocking my day or I’m questioning my very existence in this world. You see…I don’t think that I’m the only one that ever has these up’s and down’s. But I do think, that I’m part of the minority that likes to be honest about my life to the online world by sharing intimate details about feelings of failure and doubt, along with my moments of victory.

There are some with the opinion that social media is not the place to share every detail of your life, but you know what I say? To each their own! I share what I share because I want to encourage more women to share how they ACTUALLY struggle in this life. Not to herd a multitude of grumpy unfulfilled women, but to CONNECT with a multitude of women that share in the same struggles, who desire to be empowered to reach for the stars and land on the moon, where all of their dreams await.

Which, brings me to the purpose of this post. Where the F am I going? (the F can be interpreted to which ever F word is least offensive but still emphasizing that it is a word meant to bold my statement of struggling with : Where in the FIRECRACKER am I going in life?!?! Am I coming or going? Some days that is a straight up legit question that I ask myself.

After 8 years, I decided to leave my full time office job to jump into the nursing trenches with the front line workers. Crazy? Maybe. But that’s another post entirely on it’s own.

The point is. In the midst of a global pandemic, I chose to make a change because I was restless and burnt out and knew that change needed to happen. That change hasn’t come with thoughts of “what the ‘firecracker’ have I done?” It’s a lot to learn and a huge shift in my routine. ( For those that don’t know me- I LOVE ROUTINE!) So for now, the routine is out the window- another big change.

Working part-time, I thought, was going to be the PERFECT DEAL. On my days off, I said to myself, I’m going to run full steam ahead with my business.

You wanna know what I did all day yesterday and part of today? Sit here on my days off. Paralyzed. yep. Unproductive. Scrolling social media but no motivation to post any words of encouragement. Which brought me to “What the F am I doing?”

So you know what I’m doing?

I finally had to give myself some tough love with a pinch of gentleness.

“Tara,” I told myself (yes, out loud) “STOP feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking about everything that’s not going right. Make the change. Take the pressure off. Bring it back to the basics. Write down your goals and write down your WHY. Start there.”

My overwhelmed self, has been screaming, ‘you’re off today.!Be productive!’ A list was piled in my head. So much stuff that would take so much time and because I was overwhelmed, I didn’t know where to start. And so I didn’t. I drank tea. I drank water. I cleaned the kitchen. I made stuffed peppers. I made my bed. I scrolled social media. I didn’t even respond to text messages because I was unmotivated to the point of even connect with anyone.

So there yo have it. Tara, the woman with the motto to ‘wake up, rise up and conquer’ sat still the last 2 days and mulled over how overwhelmed she was and didn’t do an once of personal development.

Listen guys, life as we know it has changed. Take the pressure off if you’re unsure of what the next step is. Don’t feel pressured to go at the same pace as everyone else. Don’t skip over the basics. Don’t feel unproductive if you sit down and journal to get your thoughts in order. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t message your clients back for a day. There are no rules. YOU are the one that calls the shots on how you manage your time and when you complete a goal. It doesn’t need to get done in ONE DAY.

If you don’t know where the F you’re going, get out your pen and paper. Brainstorm your dreams and goals. Write them down. And THEN write down WHY. WHY do you have the dreams you have? WHY do you wan to accomplish the goals you have written down?

Start there…and see what happens 😉

T 🙂

2 thoughts on “Where the F am I going?

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