Judgement vs Improvement

Last week, while I was engaged in my usual deep dive into learning session (this particular morning was Human Design research that had me locked in, forgetting about time and space. 100% immersed going down trail after trail of interesting discoveries)

During this time, I got an AHA moment , like I so often do. Sometimes I grab my notebook and write down my thoughts as fast as I can get them out- only to have the page unread by anyone else other than myself. Sometimes, though, I feel the need to share.

This morning, I feel the need to share.

MANY of us, were born with a natural desire to IMPROVE situations around us. We see chaos, we want to FIX it right away. We see a loved one doing something we believe is dangerous to their physical, mental or spiritual health and we jump in to ‘save the day.’

And yes, I’m going to bring it up- the world today in 2021- heading off into 2022….

Many of us have different convictions and different beliefs. It’s no surprise. It’s been like that since the beginning of time.

And so, as all of us learn to navigate our own thoughts and beliefs- We all kick into high gear ‘improvement’ mode. The goal behind preaching is just that- wanting to FIX, to IMPROVE.

But many times, what translates:

Is judgement.

We don’ take on the title of ‘hero’ or ‘fixer’…. we are labelled as ‘judge’ or ‘nag’.

Stop and think about a time when a loved one tried to change you or to change your ways. The odds are that they loved you and were coming from a place of good intention. OR maybe it was a matter of control and you were left with no space to think for yourself…either way…

How did that make you feel? Angry? Condemned? Frustrated? Depressed? Unprepared? Caught of guard? Lost? Lonely…. shame….closed off…defeated….disempowered…unworthy.

It’s ok to want to improve a situation when we’re coming from a place of love…but if the human being on the other end of your intention isn’t ready or wanting to take your advice, it will never ever come across as a desire for improvement. It will come across as judgement, conditional love and unacceptance.

So much. So much going on in the world today. So many, discriminated. So much info, so many different views of good and bad, right or wrong, life and death.

DISUNITY.

No matter our beliefs, now is not the time to post sides on our social media platforms- especially from a place of judgement- “I’m right, YOU’RE wrong.” The anger and insatiable drive to PROVE our points are causing DIVIDE.

**Please note, I’m not talking about bringing forth awareness. Awareness good. But even at that. If your facts don’t line up with the other person’s beliefs on the other end- Is it ok to judge and call them wrong?**

What would happen if we channeled our desire for improvement in the world with the intention to stand for unity, instead of the intention of being proven right? What would happen if we respected our neighbor’s by separating our opinions and allowing them keep theirs, un-condemned?

One final thought….

Love casts out all fear – 1 John 4:18

Much love ,

T

Pep Talk

Tuesday blog posts. I promised myself that I’d be consistent and that I would deliver one shred of wisdom or insight just once a week. How hard could that be?

Well today, was the first Tuesday that I’ve had zero inspiration to share with anyone…or so I thought. All day, beginning this morning, I combed through my thoughts searching for some tidbit of anything positive or uplifting that I could grab onto and expand on in order to write about.

Every thought was like a feather caught in a windstorm today. As soon an inspiring thought was about to transpire, it was bulldozed by a huge gust of wind.

I will be the first to coach you on mindset and on how it’s possible to take each thought captive. I will coach you and encourage you (if you’re willing to listen) however, that does not mean that I don’t struggle just as much as the next dude.

Today was one of those days. Because I had no inspiration this morning I automatically jumped into full blown mission mode. I hopped online, signed up for 2 more courses, started one at 6 am. No time for flight mode, I thought. It’s time to fight. My body was tense, and I could feel stress rising. Then came the doubts…. “Tara, you’re so scattered, how will you ever get to your year end goal?” As you can imagine, that thought led to many others until I was mentally drained – and I hadn’t even started my work day yet.

I closed my lap top. Now running behind and needing to to get ready for work, while thinking, ” CRAP. I didn’t post on my blog. I can’t even do that one simple thing!”

Just then, I closed my eyes. I intentionally made the conscious decision to practice what I preach and I quit the self- sabotaging. Once you get on that road and gain momentum with neg self-talk, it can be hard to slow down.

This was the pep talk I gave myself:

“It’s ok to slow down. It’s productive to slow down when you’re feeling stressed. It’s healthy to pause and think about which direction you want to take. It’s ok if you shift directions. I can attract my next or continued opportunity instead of chasing it. Feeling pressured is a sign that I’m not taking a healthy approach. I have the ability to succeed with the talents that I’ve been gifted.”

I’ll be honest. My day didn’t morph that instant into a walk in the park. My thoughts were still bounding on and off- but the shift was that I had become aware of my toxic thoughts and I knew I could combat them with fresh beliefs when I took a moment to slow down and take those lying thoughts captive.

Tonight, I’m feeling lighter. Tonight I am human. Tonight or today, or whenever you are reading this, I hope you know that you have permission to feel and to share your truths. It’s ok if they are not pretty or perfect.

My hope is that if you are reading this…and if you’ve made it all the way to the end, most likely you need that little pep talk as well. Feel free to speak it out loud and claim it as your own.

One last thing…. thank your for joining me on my journey ❤

Much love, T

Ride The Wave

Chuggin’ along, just ridding up that hill. This train of mine is going higher and higher and higher. Tootin’ my “I’ve got this shit” horn. I’m almost at the top of the hill and I can see the skyline creeping up. Damn straight I’m getting ready to bask in the beautiful view that is going to fill my soul with the deepest satisfaction that I’ve ever known possible. Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop my top of the mountain destination.

I’m at the top! I’m getting ready to dig out my tent and call this place home!

But there’s no landscape. No wide open space to hop off and run through the field of pure satisfaction. Just a bloody slope to bring me back down the other side. I’m only at the top for 5 seconds when, “Welcome back,” the valley below taunts, “to the rollercoaster called life.” And down I go.

Side note: not everyone’s life feels as rollercoaster-ish as what I’m describing. But mine does. For those that can relate, I’m led by an emotional center and can be easily influenced as I feed off of others emotions as well. Some days the rollercoaster isn’t just any old circus ride but more like the freaking Leviathan at Canada’s wonderland. Anybody else?

Let me get back on track here 😉 Let me point out the obvious. Life is going to have it’s peaks and valleys. I don’t care who you are or how much you pray, visualize, manifest or practice the law of attraction. You’re going to face up’s and down’s. I’m talking, “hey, yesterday was amazing and I felt so accomplished and today feels like a big long mud slid right into an unexpected shit show.”

Guess what…You are normal. Everyone has those days, that no matter what we do, we sometimes can’t shake the blahs, the low’s. We can’t always just ‘snap’ out of it. That’s what I typically say to myself. “Snap out of it.” But that only makes things worse. Because when I can’t just SHIFT in THAT moment, failure starts to set in and just makes the intensity of the crap day feel even crapy-er.

Call it what it is. Say it. “Today is just really off.” “Today is shit.” “Today is hard.” “I want today to be over.” Call it what it is.

The pivotal shift that can’t be skipped, however, is a 2 step. Not only do you need to acknowledge your fart in a windstorm display of emotions, but follow that acceptance by visualizing, praying for and manifesting better days ahead. Embrace your feelings but refuse to stay there forever. Acknowledge that you’ll go back up the mountain again and it will be beautiful.

Don’t get STUCK. Think on those positive thoughts. The feel good, warm and fuzzy’s might not kick in right away, but when you think positive and expect the best, your mood will eventually lift. Might not be today, but if you keep calling and believing for better days, extraordinary days, they will come.

So if you were on your way up the mountain yesterday, but today your horse and buggy barreled down the hill, just remember:

That’s life.

You’re normal.

And sometimes, you just have to ride the wave ❤

Much love T 🙂

Growth and Expansion

“I’m bored. I’m restless. I can’t. I won’t. I’ll never. I’m way too shy. I’m way too nervous.”

If you’re stuck in that mindset right there, my friends, let it be a good indicator that those limiting beliefs are why you’re not not progressing in life. I’m no expert. All I’ve got is (almost) 40 years of life experience and my story to tell. That’s it. Those statements above, are all of the things I used to tell myself…even still do get caught believing it sometimes. I needed a real kick in the ass…and still do sometimes 😉 And no one was doing that for me. If you’re not at that point yet, let me tell you: No one is ever going to push you the way that you need to be pushed. No one except for YOU.

When we label ourselves with self limiting statements, and that’s the story we tell ourselves, then that’s the story that we’re going to live out. That’s where we’re going to set up camp….which is in the middle of nowhere. The place that we DON’T want to be. But as crappy as it is, we end up STAYING there. Guys! There could be a mansion just down the scary, winding road, and you’re sitting in your little leaky tent because you just don’t wanna do the hard stuff to get to the great stuff!

Let’s break it down.

The ONLY way we are ever going to grow is to get out of our COMFORT ZONE. I know you know this. I have a feeling this isn’t news to you. But I do have a feeling that you need this reminder to kick start something within you.

I challenge you to do something today that will get you out of your comfort zone. Even if that ‘something’ is only for the sole purpose of getting you out of your comfort zone. Even if the purpose of doing the hard thing is to prove to yourself that you’ve got what it takes to LIVE life and not just coast every day.

When we do things that get us out of our comfort zones, we become empowered. We start to believe in ourselves a little more.

So this picture below is a representation of doing something you DON’T feel like doing. I do not like snakes. As a matter of fact, I stepped on one when I was 11 years old. I didn’t just scream. I screamed and ran for the hills. At that point, I didn’t care if I ran so far that I got separated from my parents ending up lost forever. In that moment, my fear and longing for safety took precedence over anything else!

Fast forward years later….. I’m on the left, smiling. You see a smile. I think I look calm too. But what you don’t see is my heart pounding out of my chest. You don’t see the visions in my mind that I was having of that horrific snake head lashing forward and clenching it’s jaw around my face. Thankfully that never happened but those thoughts were definitely at the forefront of my mind!
But I freaking did it! I held the reptile that literally could have eaten me for lunch.

(For all the snake and creepy crawler lovers, picture something else in your mind that makes you wanna throw up when you think about doing it? (Public speaking, sky diving, think of something.)

Ok, now keep that image in your head. Could you envision stepping out of your comfort zone and just going for it? How do you think you’d feel if you did it? Would you not be proud of yourself? Would you not think “Hey, if I just did THAT, then I believe I can do ANYTHING!”

That, my friends is called growth and expansion. As humans, that is what we are meant to do. Grow and expand. Life throws curveballs. We sometimes do not get the choice to choose to do the hard things. They just come at us. But what if you had the choice today to do one thing you just really didn’t want to do? What is the worst thing that could happen?

  • You might fail.
  • You might sound weird.
  • People might think your strange.
  • You might find out that you’re not as ‘smart’ as you thought you were.

Why won’t you do it? What’s the worst that could happen?

Now flip that. What’s the BEST thing that could happen?

  • You might gain confidence.
  • You might find the job of your dreams.
  • You might come upon an open door that you’ve been dreaming about walking though.
  • You might find healing and purpose and joy.

Are you willing to start doing the hard things?

Much love, T:)

Journey to Your Desires

What is it that you long for? What brings you joy the moment you think about having it or think about moving closer to having it?
What makes you sit a little taller and try a little harder? What gets you out of your rut when you’re stuck in one?

YOUR DESIRES

I think setting intentions at night before you fall asleep or setting your intentions in the morning when you wake up is super awesome. Along with visualization, meditation, prayer and exercise- setting yourself up for success everyday is the way to go. Even throw in some affirmations and we are. ALL. SET.

But then what? What if we don’t think about the intentions we set for the rest of the day? Even worse, what if we don’t action them out at all? I’ll tell you what happens….we develop self awareness amnesia. We get busy with life: work, kids, sore back, STATS Canada showing up on our doorstep o_o, relationship tiffs, offenses-because someone looked at us the wrong way or didn’t text us back in a timely manor. We fall short, fall into shame and beat ourselves up. We start to question ‘why do I even bother?’….

Ok, I might be taking it to the extreme here but let’s be real: LIFE happens all day long and it’s not always (hardly ever is) the feel good fuzzy’s of life that we get handed to us. Reminder: Mountain top experiences do not happen on the daily and that’s normal! We don’t grow on the mountain. We grow in the valleys.

It’s easy to forget about our desires and our goals when life gets hard. We put them on the back burner until it’s ‘the right time.’


And that’s why practicing self awareness is so crucial. Part of self awareness is pondering what you desire. Bring your attention and your awareness towards your desires.

Stopping throughout the day to envision the end result of where you’re aiming to get and have, can be life changing if you allow it. I’m talking just a minute here and there. Set your alarm if you need to. Pause for 30 seconds, 1 minute or more if you can or want, and bring your full attention to your desires. In that time, focus on what you want to achieve. And know that even if it seems like it’s just so so far away, life can change in an instant to line up with your desires. The journey is never ever wasted.

Will you make self awareness a part of your daily practice?

Think on that 😉

Much love, T:)

Self-Care: A call to Action

I don’t ever recall being taught self-care in school-back in the 80’s/90’s. Maybe it was, and I just never payed attention? However, a recent poll that I posted, resulted with 99% of all who participated, having had no recollection of ever being taught on the subject either.

Math, science, social studies, language, etc… all of those classes where beneficial to develop our minds as children and into adolescence, however, with the rising number of mental health illnesses today, perhaps something as simple as a class designated just for self-care would have been a gift.

It gives my soul some comfort in knowing that, at the school my children attend, the kids today are receiving some teaching on mental health and how to deal with feelings and emotions. My children are being taught strategies such as: Meditation, praying, journaling, physical activity, talking to someone you trust.

Thinking back to pre-kids, I don’t think I ever even put those two words (self and care) together in a sentence. No one ever taught me what self-care was or what the benefits were. More than that, no one taught me that self-care is not selfish.

I learned to adapt to stressors and I developed a belief system that had me tolerating, and even worse, accepting all forms of stress. I believed that stress was something that I had no control over and that somehow I’d find the strength to embrace the anxiety and simply learn the lesson that came with it. I never paused to consider that I had tools available and at my fingertips to help lessen the stress.

In summary, my belief was: Self care=time waster and selfish. After all, who has time, I thought, to get all ‘in depth’ when there’s so much that needs to get done! Little did I know, that organizing and getting things done, such as, cleaning out the kids closest, IS a form of self-care. By cleaning out your kids closets and getting it done, it prevents the day after day stressor of needing to get the closets cleaned out! (If you want to have weight lifted off your shoulders, clean out and organize that space that JUST came to your mind. (Practical self care) Don’t get overwhelmed. Tip: Start with just one drawer.

Let’s review some different forms of self care and just a few examples that go along with them. While you’re reading through, make a mental note of what self care practices you have no problem turning too, but more importantly, which ones you leave on the back burner.

Emotional self care:
Engaging in activities that help you to connect with your emotions.
Ex: Journaling, time for yourself to do whatever you feel like doing- HAVE THE BUBBLE BATH! Positive affirmations, personal development.

Physical self care:
Doing things that fuel your body and nourish your body. Caring for your physical needs.
Ex: Exercise, drink water, rest, enjoy healthy meals and snack, go for a walk, stretch, dance, get enough sleep.

Mental self-care:
Doing things that help declutter your mind and decrease your stress as well as activities that stimulate your mind.
Ex: Take breaks, listen to uplifting podcasts, read a book, listen to music, take a guilt-free naps, pray, meditate. Here’s as BIG ONE: practice saying “no” (healthy boundaries)

Spiritual self Care:
Engaging in activities that nurtures your spirit and that connects you to a Higher Power (whatever that means to you)
Ex: Prayer, meditation, self-refection, going to a place of worship

Practical self care:
Engaging in tasks that help to decrease future stressful situations.
EX: Creating a budget, cleaning out and organizing your pantry, professional development courses.

Social Self Care:
Engaging in activities that nurtures the relationship that you have in your life.
Ex: Call a friend, go out for coffee with a friend, wine night with the girls 😉
(I understand that this has been a tough one for all of us the last year and a half)

For some of us, when we hear the word ‘self’ attached to anything else, we think “selfish.” But this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s not just a bubble bath and trip to the salon- although, those are nice treats when you’re able to do them. It’s definitely a form of personal self care and there is most certainly no need to feel guilty about doing them.

The purpose of self-care is to build a connection within ourselves that will keeps us balanced and healthy and in turn, better equipped to support and connect with our loves ones, our co-workers, and our friends and the world around us.

I’m challenging myself to practice a different category of self-care daily for the next 21 days. I’m going to take it a step further and post it on social media to keep myself accountable. (I’m nervous committing to this one because of my tendency to shift gears and drift off once committing. But I’m firm in believing, I’ve got something here that is bigger than myself sooooooo I’m sticking to it!!) follow me on Facebook and Instagram to track my journey if you’d like 🙂

I invite you to come alongside and do this with me. For some of you, this is nothing new and you’re totally rocking the self care areas of your life. In that case, I invite you to do this with me anyway! Let’s flood our social media with self care inspiration to give those who are struggling the boost that they might need. Let’s bring awareness of what self care really is.

Ready?

Step 1. Practice at least one form of self-care daily.
Step 2. If you so choose, post on IG or FB which activity you engaged in and how it made you feel.
Step 3. Add #wakupriseupconquer #selfcarechallenge to your post.

Much love,

T 🙂

Mom Life, Real Life

Let’s get real, moms. For those of us that have social media, we all post the pic’s reflecting the snuggles, the giggles and the JOY that radiates from our hearts in when it comes to being a ‘mommy’…. Ok. Yes. Those moments of joy are so real and we love our kiddos and we’d do anything for them. But the truth is (unless I’m the ONLY crazy lady here) that some days we just want to lock them in a sound proof room just to get some peace and quiet. If you’re a mom and you’ve never felt like doing this, please share your secret to keeping it cool.

I’m not sharing anything you don’t already know. I know that. And my expert advice for you today? I have none. I’m in the thick of it with you all, my mom friends! But what I do have, is empathy. Everyone of our struggles as mom’s are so very different and yet so very similar. Although I know you know that you’re not alone in this mom life, sometimes is just nice to have that reminder.

-You’re not the only mom that yells
-You’re not the only mom that sounds like she’s having a shit fit to anyone walking by an open window at the same time her 5 year old drops their entire bowl of Mr. Noodle onto the floor after you just cleaned the floor AND had just told her to leave it there, that you’d get it.
-You’re not the only mom that forgets what grade her middle child is in- every year for the last 3 years. -_-
-You’re not the only mom feeling guilty for wanting to start her own business but feeling like it would be a selfish choice.
-You’re not alone

Sometimes you just have to shake it off and realize that finding the answers, or even balance, for that matter, in motherhood is never going to be perfected. Start to perfectly embrace your skill at maneuvering imperfections. You’re going to drop the balls. Some days you’re gonna rock it and somedays you’re gonna flop it so badly. That’s NORMAL! – Welcome to the entire human mom race!

From one mom to the next- Chin up. You’re a mom, but you are a human being first.

When asking Ruby, what she thought I did for fun as a mom- her response was priceless and so very true “You sing around the house and you bother the children.”

That. That right there is the answer ^^^^. Most mornings, I dance and sing like NOBODY is watching – which you will NEVER witness unless my children secretly record it and post it on Youtube haha. I’m learing to be a real goof in the midst of my big flops. The kids definitely get to witness real life at it’s finest right here in this vessel of mine.

Feel free to watch the little clip below of our two youngest letting me know what they think being a mom is all about 😉

Much love,

T:)

Don’t Ignore the Aha

So often I have thoughts, visions, insights and encouraging words rolling around in my brain and I think to myself, “ohhh, I’ve gotta blog about that!” I’ll get an aha! moment and just wanna share it with everyone ’cause out of ‘everyone’ there’s gonna be maybe at least one person that will find encouragement from it.

Well. I’ve gotta say, I haven’t been following through. I put it off, thinking that ‘later’ will be more convenient…when it never EVER is. Before I know it, a day, a week, a month goes by and my aha moment was never shared.

Really, my excuses are endless and I’m not even going to list them here because as I was writing them out, I couldn’t get over how pathetic each excuse was. (Glad I took that course on how to deal with irrational thoughts!) I’m one to encourage others to get out of their own heads. How can I coach and encourage others, when I suck so bad at coaching myself? If you can’t say Amen, say ouch.

Time to practice what I preach.

Every Tuesday, you’ll find a post on THIS very blog with only God knows what kind of content. I love structure but I’m finding a true desire to explore and go where the wind blows these last few months.

I can tell you it will most likely have something to do with REAL LIFE and MINDSET.

My encouragement for YOU today- Don’t keep putting off your aha moments! You don’t know WHO in this world is going to be impacted when you follow through with them.

Go today, where the wind takes you.

Yours truly,

T 🙂

Plan of Attack

This morning I sat down with my journal, my pen, my coffee, my book and I took a deep breath, so hopeful that today would be the day that my inspiration would return and my confidence would sky rocket!

It’s been a long few weeks of trying to fight the tides of uncertainty, doubt and lack of inspiration within myself.

I took my first sip of coffee and thought “I’m so ready. Motivation, let’s go!” No more blah days. No more fatigue. No more waiting around for inspiration and confidence to just fall into my lap. I was ready to force my way out of the discomfort that I’ve been experiencing.

I opened up my journal- the place I write my dreams, affirmations, visualizations, gratitude and positive self-talk. What I realized at that moment was that I didn’t have the strength or desire to do any of those things. And then it hit me.

Release.

Tara, you need to release.

Release???? No. Anything BUT that. I hadn’t journaled about my feelings in a really really long time. What came next is embarrassing to even admit but I’ll tell you anyway. Like a 2 year old, I sat cross legged on the couch, folded my arms against my chest and defiantly said to my self “nope” while turning my attention to social media.

I didn’t want to visit those feelings- feelings of inadequacy, feelings of failure, feelings of resentment. Nope, nope, and NOPE.

Just then, I was distracted by my bubbly little 6 year old Miss Bella. I could her her little voice going a million miles a minute.

Let me give you a quick back story.

Miss Bella struggles with learning. Things don’t come easy for her. There’ve been a lot of tears over the last few months – especially when virtual learning came about. But in saying that, as difficult as it is for her to learn how to read and as much as she’s been struggling and as defeated and as frustrated as she’s gotten. Even when her eyes fill with tears and she says “I just can’t do it”, she ALWAYS tries again. Even with her struggles to read, SHE LOVES TO READ. She gets excited and KEEPS TRYING. (She’s also been doing amazing- because she’s not given up!)

This precious little six year old inspired me.

If miss Bella could do the hard to do things, so can her mama, I thought.

I turned back to my journal, took another sip of coffee, relaxed my tense shoulders and began to write. It all spilled out onto the pages of my journal.

I took every challenge, every defeat, every doubt and I wrote it down.

On the pages that followed, I wrote 2 simples but gaming changing words:

Action Plan

For every negative thought spoken, an action plan will follow. A plan of attack. Without journaling my thoughts and breaking them down, I wouldn’t have been able to come up with a clear plan of action.

If you’re constantly thinking about all of the bits of your life that are bothering you, please don’t stay there. Don’t give up on yourself- take action and motivation will follow.

Here’s an example to get you started…

Area of struggle Action takenNotesGoal complete(date) 
Personal
1. Lack of motivation.
2. Self doubt
Work

Relationships
-Distant
Goals
-Lacking motivation 

Spiritual 
-Not ready to go there
Physical 
-Can’t workout the way I’d like due to pain

Anyway, you get the idea right?! These are general and vague examples. Be as clear and concise as you can when writing down your challenge AND your action plan. The clearer you are, the better the outcome.

Write it down. And then work at it. No pressure. No deadline. You choose. You control your thoughts. You control your choices.

Cheers to my peeps that don’t have it all together and aren’t ashamed to share it ❤

Love from T 🙂