I’m not gonna lie. Those of you who follow me on social media know that I’m either rocking my day or I’m questioning my very existence in this world. You see…I don’t think that I’m the only one that ever has these up’s and down’s. But I do think, that I’m part of the minority that likes to be honest about my life to the online world by sharing intimate details about feelings of failure and doubt, along with my moments of victory.
There are some with the opinion that social media is not the place to share every detail of your life, but you know what I say? To each their own! I share what I share because I want to encourage more women to share how they ACTUALLY struggle in this life. Not to herd a multitude of grumpy unfulfilled women, but to CONNECT with a multitude of women that share in the same struggles, who desire to be empowered to reach for the stars and land on the moon, where all of their dreams await.
Which, brings me to the purpose of this post. Where the F am I going? (the F can be interpreted to which ever F word is least offensive but still emphasizing that it is a word meant to bold my statement of struggling with : Where in the FIRECRACKER am I going in life?!?! Am I coming or going? Some days that is a straight up legit question that I ask myself.
After 8 years, I decided to leave my full time office job to jump into the nursing trenches with the front line workers. Crazy? Maybe. But that’s another post entirely on it’s own.
The point is. In the midst of a global pandemic, I chose to make a change because I was restless and burnt out and knew that change needed to happen. That change hasn’t come with thoughts of “what the ‘firecracker’ have I done?” It’s a lot to learn and a huge shift in my routine. ( For those that don’t know me- I LOVE ROUTINE!) So for now, the routine is out the window- another big change.
Working part-time, I thought, was going to be the PERFECT DEAL. On my days off, I said to myself, I’m going to run full steam ahead with my business.
You wanna know what I did all day yesterday and part of today? Sit here on my days off. Paralyzed. yep. Unproductive. Scrolling social media but no motivation to post any words of encouragement. Which brought me to “What the F am I doing?”
So you know what I’m doing?
I finally had to give myself some tough love with a pinch of gentleness.
“Tara,” I told myself (yes, out loud) “STOP feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking about everything that’s not going right. Make the change. Take the pressure off. Bring it back to the basics. Write down your goals and write down your WHY. Start there.”
My overwhelmed self, has been screaming, ‘you’re off today.!Be productive!’ A list was piled in my head. So much stuff that would take so much time and because I was overwhelmed, I didn’t know where to start. And so I didn’t. I drank tea. I drank water. I cleaned the kitchen. I made stuffed peppers. I made my bed. I scrolled social media. I didn’t even respond to text messages because I was unmotivated to the point of even connect with anyone.
So there yo have it. Tara, the woman with the motto to ‘wake up, rise up and conquer’ sat still the last 2 days and mulled over how overwhelmed she was and didn’t do an once of personal development.
Listen guys, life as we know it has changed. Take the pressure off if you’re unsure of what the next step is. Don’t feel pressured to go at the same pace as everyone else. Don’t skip over the basics. Don’t feel unproductive if you sit down and journal to get your thoughts in order. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t message your clients back for a day. There are no rules. YOU are the one that calls the shots on how you manage your time and when you complete a goal. It doesn’t need to get done in ONE DAY.
If you don’t know where the F you’re going, get out your pen and paper. Brainstorm your dreams and goals. Write them down. And THEN write down WHY. WHY do you have the dreams you have? WHY do you wan to accomplish the goals you have written down?
Not soon after the start of this covid battle, we realized pretty quickly that this wasn’t only an attack on our physical bodies but an attack on every single area of our lives. To help stop the spread and ‘flatten the curve’, we started practicing social distancing, staying home. Some have loss of work, for some it’s overtime at work. The list is so long. Covid-19 is now affecting every area of our lives:
Understand and know that it’s ok to stop and recognize how this is affecting you. Pausing to acknowledge how it’s affecting you is wise and healthy. So many of us are going on auto pilot refusing to think about any of it, while so many of us can’t think about anything BUT the virus and how it’s affecting our lives so negatively. Either way, both extremes are unhealthy and will eventually leave you exhausted and feeling defeated….
I’m not an expert but I do have a rather simple solution to aid in how we can cope with the challenges at hand. Challenges that we feel are totally out of our control. Although you might not have control over several of these areas, you CAN be in charge of finding solutions and gearing your thoughts to the good and away from the bad.
I’m encouraging you to sit down and fully allow yourself to think on how this is affecting you and to write down (yes, old school like with a pen and a paper. When we write it down, it holds greater potential to stick in our minds than if we simply think fleetingly about these things.)
Go write down all of your struggles and fears due to this dang virus and and don’t be afraid to admit to them. Write ’em all down…and go….
Did you write them all down? Most of you didn’t, but that’s ok, I know you want to keep reading to see what’s the next step is. 😉
For all of those fears or challenges that you wrote down, you are going to brainstorm possible solutions. TAKING ACTION is the BEST way to beat this things while focusing on one day at a time. Don’t overthink it. Just write down what you’re thinking.
Allow me to give an example.
Write down the areas of your life (Like I did at the top of this post) add or take away whatever is or isn’t of pertinence to you.
EXAMPLE: Financially Step one- I’m out of business which means I don’t have any funds coming in. I need money to survive and trying to figure out EI is confusing and I don’t know how to do it. My stress has been climbing every day because of it and I can’t sleep at night because of it. Step 2- **BRAIN STORM THE SOLUTION – I’m going to take a deep breath and investigate the steps I need to take. I will go online and look it up. I will reach out to friends going through the same difficulty and ask what steps they took if I’m confused about it. I will call the EI office even if I have to wait on hold for 4 hours. I will call my mortgage company, my vehicle company and see about deferrals. Step 3- END WITH A POSITIVE MINDSET THOUGHT- Instead of stressing out and thinking about how stressed I am, I WILL be moved to take action in this area and I will feel so much better for working through these steps.
You might think this exercise is too simple to be effective but what do you have to lose by trying it? You can be as detailed as you want. Add everything that’s weighing on you and work through each step These simple steps, will allow you to break down your racing thoughts into bite size pieces so that it will allow you to process one at time, all while adding a positive mindset to the mix and decreasing the overwhelming weight that’s looming.
If you’re overwhelmed, I really, really encourage you to do this. Even if it’s just one area at a time.
When we’re overwhelmed it’s easy to slip into ‘deer in a set of headlights’ mode-paralyzed, can’t move, can’t think straight, mind racing. But when you’re moved to take action, you gain control of your thoughts, you find confidence in taking steps to finding a solution. Force yourself to look for the solutions. They are there. And you are capable. We are all in this together. My hope is that you don’t feel alone. Shoot me a message if you’re feeling the weight of loneliness or reach out to a loved one. Don’t go through this alone.
The title of this post isn’t exactly one that you would want or expect to hear coming from your coach, a friend or a loved one. You might think it’s rather insensitive. But believe me that when I’m saying ‘suck it up’, it’s coming from a place of tenderness.
Before I add my 2 cents, let me tell you a little bit about why I feel so passionate about the topic of mindset. I’m sure you’ll find that as you read what I’m about to tell you, you’ll be nodding your head in agreement as it’s really no big surprise.
We were born with a natural tendency to feel happiness when we get our way and to feel disappointment when we don’t. Do you know of any child, that when they want something so bad and mom or dad says ‘no’, the child automatically starts jumping up and down joyfully because they didn’t get what they wanted? Of course not! They pout, sometimes try to manipulate mom and dad into changing their minds, throw a fit sometimes, try to bargain with mom and dad, maybe even threaten to run away? :p And truth be told….
That natural tendency follows us into adulthood. Right? come on now. You know it’s true. Learning to be content and taking control of your thoughts and emotions is a LEARNED skill. It will never come natural. I repeat- NEVER come natural. You need to rewire your thought process to see the positive in the midst of the disappointments.
Our emotions (good or bad) are spearheaded by an event/a moment that has taken place in our lives. If we get our way and feel good, we’re happy. If we don’t get our way and feel bad, we’re upset, to say the least. We justify our poor attitudes with comments such as “I can’t control how I feel.” Or “my feelings can’t just switch from angry to elated” or “from depressed to loving life. It’s impossible,” we say…But is it?
The hard truth is that you DO have a choice. You get to choose what you’re going to think. You get to choose wether or not to camp out in sadness or to pick yourself up. You get to choose wether or not you’re going to find the good in a bad situation. You do need to acknowledge your feelings BUT you also have the choice to stay and play the victim or to stand move forward.
Here comes the really hard part, (I’m not gonna lie). KNOWING you have the choice to change your thoughts and then actually following through with it- EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT, is HARD STUFF! But it’s possible and so worth it!
Are you ready? Are you willing to start changing your thought pattern from negative to positive? It’s not an overnight sorta deal. It’s a daily, monthly, yearly, life long journey that will transform your life over time.
Am I alone in this? Is anyone else willing to learn how to transform your thought patterns from ones of defeat, sadness, boredom, purposeless to ones of purpose, victory, determination, satisfaction and joy?
Listen up….I preach it because I live it. I preach it because I practice changing my mindset and have seen and experienced the benefits of trudging through to the other side. I preach it, not because I’ve mastered it, but because I know how victorious it is to overcome. I preach it because it brings freedom, and I want others who are struggling to have that same freedom.
Trust that when you practice changing your mindset, other great things in life will follow…
I was chubby in highschool- and like a lot of teenage girls, I was craving acceptance from my peers. I thought the only way to do that was to look and act a certain way.
For my grade eight graduation, I asked my mom if I could get a hair cut. (This, I decided, would be the start of my journey to beauty.) I had a vision in my mind about what it would look like to have a cute short little bob. Ever had a vision in your mind of what something would look like only to have it turn out absolutely nothing like what you had envisioned?
Yep, that happened. My wishful gorgeous transformation left me looking like a boy. Nothing cute or pretty about that hair cut let me tell you…. my hair never has been quick to grow and so summer passed by and in enters Tara to high school with a short boyish hairdo and a chubby figure. Did I mention I was also on medication that caused terrible acne, weight gain, fluid retention and mood swings? I was an emotional HOTTTT MESSSSS!
I struggled well past my high school years with body image issues. I ended up losing a ton of weight, mostly due to stress and not due to making healthy choices. My meals consisted of chips, chocolate bars, and frozen dinners. I might have been ‘skinny’ but my emotional state wasn’t good.
Fast forward….then came child #1, then 2, then 3, then 4 then 5…. I had gained my weight back…AND had to increase on the dreadful mediation with each pregnancy…you know, the one that gave me acne and weight gain and mood swings?…yeah…that one. I was still an emotional HOT MESSSS and now struggling even as an adult with how I looked.
By the time babe # 5 came around, I just wanted to feel good in my own pants- not maternity pants hahahaaaaa… and so it began…the fitness journey. I was consumed with weight loss and obsessed with what the numbers on the scale was telling me and if I went up a pound, I was ANGRY. No other way to put it. And so I would starve myself for a day or 2 to get that magic number again, only to play on that yo yo train non stop.
Let’s fast forward to today…. It has taken me a while to get this revelation…but I now understand that feeling good about yourself doesn’t start with HOW you look, or how much you workout…it starts with your MINDSET. Nothing will ever shift if you don’t shift your thinking.
I spent most of my teenage life and adult life up to this point, wanting to look a certain way because that’s what society expects. Who says we need to be or look a certain way anyway? Who gets to make that call??
I’m now developing muscles (something I’ve never had!)-(I’m rarely weighing myself and it’s liberating by the way)
I hear people say a lot of times that women with too much muscle is not their ‘cup of tea’…well. I don’t wanna be anyone’s cup of tea. I want to be ME. I’ve got muscle and I’ve got fat and I’ve got stretch marks and rolls and I finally love the me that I am. I love pushing to see what my body is capable of.
Everyone is always going to have an opinion. But just incase you didn’t know- their opinions don’t really matter. What matters is that you run after the best version of yourself and love yourself along the way to where you’re going.
You are amazing and beautiful and capable. That is the truth xo
It’s January 3rd. You wake up and wanna GIVE UP. It’s day 3 of committing to your New Years resolution and you’ve messed it up already…skipped the workout when you determined to workout EVERYDAY, ate the cookie (ahem-guilty) when you declared CLEAN EATING FOR 2020!, yelled at your kids, slept in, goofed up at work…or you might just plain old feel BLAH when you promised yourself ‘this year, imma be nice to people and think positive no matter what!’…but already snapped at those you love and are battling retched thoughts.
Ohhhhh dear friends…you haven’t failed. You have not ruined 2020 already. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
Pause. Deep breath. Take the pressure off of yourself and forgive yourself- right here, right now.
Luckily, you don’t have to wait until 2021 to start over. Every DAY is a new opportunity to rise above and reach new heights. Every day is a new opportunity to wake up, eat clean, workout, give yourself an attitude check and conquer goals.
Anyone else know what I’m talkin’ about? Or am I preaching to myself?
It’s a new day. Get up…or stay in bed. Workout…or give yourself grace and rest if you need it. Everyone’s goals are different. Don’t compare. EVER. Comparison is poisonous. Your goals are amazing and you can achieve them.
And a little secret…if you mess up today, it’s not over. Learn from your mistakes today so that you can learn and overcome tomorrow.
If you follow me on Facebook and Instagram, then you’ve most likely seen my constant hashtags #wakeup #riseup #conquer.
There’s meaning and power behind these words that can catapult you into victory if you take ahold of them and live them out to the fullest of your ability. These words/hashtags are the foundation of my vision to help women achieve their fitness goals.
If you woke up today, you have a purpose. You’re alive and have been given life. (You are here on this earth for a REASON)
You’ve been given today so now YOU decide what you’re going to do with the endless opportunities/possibilities!
There is power in NUMBERS! Grab a hold of those who will cheer you on and support you. You were never meant to conquer on your own. You were never meant to run the race by yourself.
We have the opportunity to rise up on the daily and conquer any size of goal that we set.
Who’s ready to #wakeup #riseup and #conquer in 2020?
If you know that it’s time and you’re ready to start but you’re unsure of what the first step is, I’d love to help in anyway that I can. My intention is to give pointers/tips and point others in the right direction, give women new ideas on how to keep the workouts fun but also effective, and to support women along the journey when discouragement hits, (Let’s face it, discouragement and dips in the road are to be expected in this thing called life)…but with the right support, anything is possible.